Hiding to be safe
For most people who suffer with anxiety and paranoia, they know what it feel like to have a safe bubble. Or at least some place where they feel comfortable. For me, my safe zone was indoors. Not going outside, and just staying in.That was all I needed to feel safe. When I was forced to go out, I would always wear a jacket, put in my headphones and go where I needed to go. Most of the time this was classes. I never intentionally left my dorm, it always had a reason. I never saw the need to walk all the way across campus to go get food. I would hate having to walk over to my therapy sessions. I just felt safe in my room, on my bed, under the blankets. I was a Hermit.
The next steps to follow after this was me locking myself in my room. I know it wasn’t a good choice but it was the only way to make sure I wouldn’t be bothered. I was locked away in my bubble and could finally relax. Then came the one decision I made to go to a therapy session. Soon after that I got Bella. Since she is a puppy, it is a necessity for her to go outside, go and play, be active. She is also a very hyperactive pup, meaning she loves any chance to go do zoomies.
Past is in the past
I have a very strict schedule with her. I have to take her out in the morning, and at night. She has learned to hold it in. Sometimes my roommate’s will take her out and let her go potty . Which I am okay with. That way she isn’t going through what I went through. She wont be locked away all day, she can go and say hi to everyone she see’s maybe hug em’ too. Not only is she making me be more productive, by my one roommate also. She has been my roommate since freshman year, and has never left my side through all of this. When it comes times for the weekends, we try and leave the dorm as much as we can.
With having Bella, I don’t feel like my room is my safety anymore. Being with her is what makes me safe. she makes me feel whole. Like I was missing something and she gave it to me. I am forever grateful that we chose each other.